Category Archives: strength

Staying safe by self isolating, strange times, but better safe than sorry.

Its been a while but with my fourth time in hospital this year, I’ve not had too much time for blogging yet, so while I have the chance, lets do it. The last two times in hospital have been because I was exhausted, I could hardly walk from from the toilet back to the front room and I only live in a small flat, the hospital said I had blood clots popping up in my leg, bowl and lung, I’m on blood thinning injections, but have to be careful as these could cause more bleeding, which I was having from my bowel, so this has to be carefully balanced and monitored. But I feel a lot better in myself now, especially being home again now, I’m tired and my legs feel very weak, stairs are hard, even just one step, but I can get about in the flat ok. We have ordered an excercise bike I can have a go to hopefully build up some strength in my legs over the next few months, even if it’s just a few minutes at a time, not over doing it, but a little and often.

My hair started to fall out here after my radiotherapy , which also knocked me for 6, I looked like a snow globe as my skin dried out so much.

With the bleeding I was having from my bowel, this was a worry, especially as in January my oncologist had said I only had 6-12 weeks left, what if he’s right? Not much I can do if he is, apart from stay positive, which I have been. One thing I found very hard was the fact they wanted to put a camera down my throat, you have to swallow this to help it go down, I struggle to get a capsule tablet my throat, let alone a camera, I refused this treatment several times while in hospital, it terrifies me, the thought of choking on this camera, knowing there’s no way I could swallow it. They started by putting a camera up the other way first to see if they can see what the problem was. This camera was not long enough so they asked if they could try down my throat, but I refused, several attempts later they said, “your booked in for this treatment tomorrow” I kept quiet, went to the canteen with my wife and daughter, Lib, and knew I had to try, absolutly terrified, but got to try. A few deep breaths, and I agreed to give it a go, and went round my 4 bed ward and stated I’m giving it a go, I slept well that night, and the bonus was I knew the porter who came for to take me too the Endoscopy unit, very well, so this relaxed me, and I showed him my West Ham United boxers, Mick supports Chelsea, so we had a laugh about that, I let him know how scared I was and all the staff I met in the unit, and they were able to sedate me, so much so I never felt a thing, to my huge relief, but again they didn’t find the problem, so a colon endoscopy was called for, not a problem I thought, but I had to drink 4 litres of Kleen Prep, oh my god, this was disgusting, and 4 litres of it, this was so hard to get down, I was quite confident I didn’t need 4 litres , as my appitite has been very small for a few weeks, so there wasn’t too much to clear out before the procedure, but the staff were quite insistant that I drink it all. Success, they found what they were looking for and wasn’t as serious as they thought it was, and I was allowed home and feeling ok, ready to get some strength back, and I’d say normallity, but with the corona virus, that went out of the window almost straight away, but at least I can rest fully now.

I must thank all the NHS staff for the way they just carry on daily despite the risks they take with the possible cases of this virus, let alone all the other virus’s and diseases they come up against, just as a daily routine, always putting their patients first, never themselves, one nights applauding isn’t enough, they really are amazing. I worked at Basildon Hospital for 13 years as a porter from 29 years ago to 16 years ago, best job I ever had, it just didn’t pay enough, so I went lorry driving for 15 years, and really enjoyed that, but then got lung cancer from somewhere, so I’m still off sick, and having some treatment for it, and always 100% positive, and we’ll see where we go from here, ask me and it’s onwards and upwards, the docs might tell you something different, but that’s in one ear and out of the other with me. TO ALL THE NHS STAFF, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR DEDICATION TO YOUR DUTY. YOU REALLY ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING.

my new image, loosely based on the character in Breaking Bad, a series I really enjoyed and felt a lot in common with Walter White, apart from having no idea how to make crystal meth. ‘What’s my name?” “Hiesenberg” “Dam right it is!”

I also have to thank my wife Sonia for looking after me so well and making sure I have everything I need and want, and also our daughter and son in law, Lib and Chris for taking me to hospital and bringing me home again, whenever I needed it. I couldn’t have done this without all this help.

With this strange situation most of the world finds itself in at the moment, I must say it has brought out the best in so many people, but at the same time can bring out the worst in others, a school was robbed of what food it had in it’s kitchen, a policeman was spat at, by someone saying they had the corona virus, and another ridden into as he was trying to police the self separating zone, and had his leg broken, people just trying to do their job, and keep people safe, and get through this smoother and safer, but there’s always a bunch of idiots to spoil it and make it more dangerous for everyone else. PLEASE STAY IN AND SELF ISOLATE, IF WE ALL DO THEN THIS WILL BE OVER QUICKER WITH LESS CASUALTIES, WHICH CAN ONLY BE GOOD FOR EVERYONE!

Take care stay safe, thank you for taking the time to read my blog, it is apprieciated, always 100% positive, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer. Hopefully be blogging again very soon.

The Weaponless Warriors

You come across some books along the way that just inspire, even if it’s only one line, but so much stays with me from this book, ‘The Weaponless Warriors’ by Richard Kim, 1974, this is a very inspirational book as to what you can achieve by putting effort into something, and just keep at it, the results and stories from this book are incedible, but the main part from this book that inspired me now, despite reading this many years ago, and helped with my current health situation are the lines:-

“In a life and death situation, choose death instantly, and you will have the strength of ten people.”

Being told sixteen months ago I have lung cancer, and only an average of a year to live, and if it gets in your brain there’s nothing we can do! Well both of these are up now and I’m still here, still smiling, still believing I’ll be here for years yet, cancer bit off more than it could chew when it tried to pick on me. And reading the lines above, they had a profound effect on me, the first one being, I would of just run away from any situation like that! And chosen life instantly, but when it’s cancer, there’s nowhere to run, you can’t hide, so taking these words into account and actually doing them, something I never thought I could do or had any strength inside me to do, these were properly trained unarmed warriors, not happy go lucky truck drivers from England, this was their culture, how they were brougth up from childhood, instilled into them from such an early age. And yet here I was being influenced by these amazing people, and taking on their attitude to this new thing I had, cancer. I had spent my whole life being scared of dying, and then someone upsets your wife by saying you have cancer and that you only have an average of a year left to live, I don’t think so Doc!

Ok bring it on, take your best shot cancer, because your gonna need it, and almost immediatley I’m there, in the zone, like these amazing warriors, them with their years of their diligent training, and I’m about to take on terminal cancer, with no other result in mind except of kicking it’s arse out of my life once and for all, however long it will take. cancer is a dirty little fighter, you get told it’s dying off from your bones, then after going vegan, your cancer is dormant five months later, but the dirty sly bastard is plotting and a few cells left in my lower left rib and start to generate, a little in my pelvis, and then the sneaky little twat sprouts a few in my brain, again bring it on, and if that’s all you’ve got cancer then I feel sorry for you, I know your going for a TKO, you want me to give up, but that just ain’t happening, ever! I’m in this for the victory, and nothing less, no compromise, no nothing your out, and I won’t stop until you are out of me, absolutely everywhere of me. Not one cell will be left behind, I can assure you cancer. According to the doctors charts, when you get this far, that means I must only have a short time left, cancer I laugh in your face! 6 to 12 weeks, “Yeah whatever!” In this life and death situation, I choose death instantly, and now I feel no fear of you, and I really don’t, it is a weird feeling knowing I now have this power over cancer, and not the other way around, of cancer controlling me, and making me feel down, and trying to get me to submit and give it all up. And getting this just from reading a book, and it was a good twenty five years ago as well, not a recent read, and then I remember selling the book at a boot sale, all the time wishing I was keeping it, but happy someone would make good use of it, and also be inspired by it. But at the time, a home clear out and a few extra pounds was more impotant.

A great review of this book.

It just seems weird that those lines in one book, that I happen to be given, had such an effect on me so many years later, but still gave me so much strength , and having no idea I could ever be that strong in the face of something that is supposed to bring so much terror and fear to so many, and here I am, “Yeah whatever cancer, bring it on!” A slight tweak of the grey cells and power that then comes out is unbelievable, and strength, with plenty of belief behind it as well, it is truly astounding. I have to thank my friend Martin who I worked with all those years ago for giving or selling me that book, and plenty of other books he kept plying me with, on martial arts and history, I’ve loved both subjects for years now. So you’ll never know how much you have in side you until you really need it, but trust me when I say it is inside you to be so much more than what you think you actually are, it’s already in there just waiting to come out, sitting quietly, ready for the right time to just let you know, it has your back if you ever need it, and it is a huge comfort to know it’s there, even if you have no idea of it yet, it is there looking out for you. The power of the mind is amazing, when it’s on your side and you face something like cancer, it really does give you the strength of ten people, instantly.

I wanted to share this as it really has helped with this fight with cancer and I’m going all the way with this, none of your ten rounds and then a split decision, this is all the way to the bitter end, one of us ain’t coming out of this alive, and it isn’t going to me snuffing it, just a matter of time cancer and your gone!

Thank you for taking the time to read another of my blogs, it is appreciated, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, always 100% positive, take care and see you again here soon, and once more:-

“In a life and death situation, choose death instantly, and you will have the strength of ten people.”

Some things can’t be repeated enough, and I hope I can inspire someone to take up the fight against this dirty little sly coward of a disease, and kick the hell out it so it doesn’t come back any more, good luck in all your battles and journeys.