Staying safe by self isolating, strange times, but better safe than sorry.

Its been a while but with my fourth time in hospital this year, I’ve not had too much time for blogging yet, so while I have the chance, lets do it. The last two times in hospital have been because I was exhausted, I could hardly walk from from the toilet back to the front room and I only live in a small flat, the hospital said I had blood clots popping up in my leg, bowl and lung, I’m on blood thinning injections, but have to be careful as these could cause more bleeding, which I was having from my bowel, so this has to be carefully balanced and monitored. But I feel a lot better in myself now, especially being home again now, I’m tired and my legs feel very weak, stairs are hard, even just one step, but I can get about in the flat ok. We have ordered an excercise bike I can have a go to hopefully build up some strength in my legs over the next few months, even if it’s just a few minutes at a time, not over doing it, but a little and often.

My hair started to fall out here after my radiotherapy , which also knocked me for 6, I looked like a snow globe as my skin dried out so much.

With the bleeding I was having from my bowel, this was a worry, especially as in January my oncologist had said I only had 6-12 weeks left, what if he’s right? Not much I can do if he is, apart from stay positive, which I have been. One thing I found very hard was the fact they wanted to put a camera down my throat, you have to swallow this to help it go down, I struggle to get a capsule tablet my throat, let alone a camera, I refused this treatment several times while in hospital, it terrifies me, the thought of choking on this camera, knowing there’s no way I could swallow it. They started by putting a camera up the other way first to see if they can see what the problem was. This camera was not long enough so they asked if they could try down my throat, but I refused, several attempts later they said, “your booked in for this treatment tomorrow” I kept quiet, went to the canteen with my wife and daughter, Lib, and knew I had to try, absolutly terrified, but got to try. A few deep breaths, and I agreed to give it a go, and went round my 4 bed ward and stated I’m giving it a go, I slept well that night, and the bonus was I knew the porter who came for to take me too the Endoscopy unit, very well, so this relaxed me, and I showed him my West Ham United boxers, Mick supports Chelsea, so we had a laugh about that, I let him know how scared I was and all the staff I met in the unit, and they were able to sedate me, so much so I never felt a thing, to my huge relief, but again they didn’t find the problem, so a colon endoscopy was called for, not a problem I thought, but I had to drink 4 litres of Kleen Prep, oh my god, this was disgusting, and 4 litres of it, this was so hard to get down, I was quite confident I didn’t need 4 litres , as my appitite has been very small for a few weeks, so there wasn’t too much to clear out before the procedure, but the staff were quite insistant that I drink it all. Success, they found what they were looking for and wasn’t as serious as they thought it was, and I was allowed home and feeling ok, ready to get some strength back, and I’d say normallity, but with the corona virus, that went out of the window almost straight away, but at least I can rest fully now.

I must thank all the NHS staff for the way they just carry on daily despite the risks they take with the possible cases of this virus, let alone all the other virus’s and diseases they come up against, just as a daily routine, always putting their patients first, never themselves, one nights applauding isn’t enough, they really are amazing. I worked at Basildon Hospital for 13 years as a porter from 29 years ago to 16 years ago, best job I ever had, it just didn’t pay enough, so I went lorry driving for 15 years, and really enjoyed that, but then got lung cancer from somewhere, so I’m still off sick, and having some treatment for it, and always 100% positive, and we’ll see where we go from here, ask me and it’s onwards and upwards, the docs might tell you something different, but that’s in one ear and out of the other with me. TO ALL THE NHS STAFF, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR DEDICATION TO YOUR DUTY. YOU REALLY ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING.

my new image, loosely based on the character in Breaking Bad, a series I really enjoyed and felt a lot in common with Walter White, apart from having no idea how to make crystal meth. ‘What’s my name?” “Hiesenberg” “Dam right it is!”

I also have to thank my wife Sonia for looking after me so well and making sure I have everything I need and want, and also our daughter and son in law, Lib and Chris for taking me to hospital and bringing me home again, whenever I needed it. I couldn’t have done this without all this help.

With this strange situation most of the world finds itself in at the moment, I must say it has brought out the best in so many people, but at the same time can bring out the worst in others, a school was robbed of what food it had in it’s kitchen, a policeman was spat at, by someone saying they had the corona virus, and another ridden into as he was trying to police the self separating zone, and had his leg broken, people just trying to do their job, and keep people safe, and get through this smoother and safer, but there’s always a bunch of idiots to spoil it and make it more dangerous for everyone else. PLEASE STAY IN AND SELF ISOLATE, IF WE ALL DO THEN THIS WILL BE OVER QUICKER WITH LESS CASUALTIES, WHICH CAN ONLY BE GOOD FOR EVERYONE!

Take care stay safe, thank you for taking the time to read my blog, it is apprieciated, always 100% positive, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer. Hopefully be blogging again very soon.

The Weaponless Warriors

You come across some books along the way that just inspire, even if it’s only one line, but so much stays with me from this book, ‘The Weaponless Warriors’ by Richard Kim, 1974, this is a very inspirational book as to what you can achieve by putting effort into something, and just keep at it, the results and stories from this book are incedible, but the main part from this book that inspired me now, despite reading this many years ago, and helped with my current health situation are the lines:-

“In a life and death situation, choose death instantly, and you will have the strength of ten people.”

Being told sixteen months ago I have lung cancer, and only an average of a year to live, and if it gets in your brain there’s nothing we can do! Well both of these are up now and I’m still here, still smiling, still believing I’ll be here for years yet, cancer bit off more than it could chew when it tried to pick on me. And reading the lines above, they had a profound effect on me, the first one being, I would of just run away from any situation like that! And chosen life instantly, but when it’s cancer, there’s nowhere to run, you can’t hide, so taking these words into account and actually doing them, something I never thought I could do or had any strength inside me to do, these were properly trained unarmed warriors, not happy go lucky truck drivers from England, this was their culture, how they were brougth up from childhood, instilled into them from such an early age. And yet here I was being influenced by these amazing people, and taking on their attitude to this new thing I had, cancer. I had spent my whole life being scared of dying, and then someone upsets your wife by saying you have cancer and that you only have an average of a year left to live, I don’t think so Doc!

Ok bring it on, take your best shot cancer, because your gonna need it, and almost immediatley I’m there, in the zone, like these amazing warriors, them with their years of their diligent training, and I’m about to take on terminal cancer, with no other result in mind except of kicking it’s arse out of my life once and for all, however long it will take. cancer is a dirty little fighter, you get told it’s dying off from your bones, then after going vegan, your cancer is dormant five months later, but the dirty sly bastard is plotting and a few cells left in my lower left rib and start to generate, a little in my pelvis, and then the sneaky little twat sprouts a few in my brain, again bring it on, and if that’s all you’ve got cancer then I feel sorry for you, I know your going for a TKO, you want me to give up, but that just ain’t happening, ever! I’m in this for the victory, and nothing less, no compromise, no nothing your out, and I won’t stop until you are out of me, absolutely everywhere of me. Not one cell will be left behind, I can assure you cancer. According to the doctors charts, when you get this far, that means I must only have a short time left, cancer I laugh in your face! 6 to 12 weeks, “Yeah whatever!” In this life and death situation, I choose death instantly, and now I feel no fear of you, and I really don’t, it is a weird feeling knowing I now have this power over cancer, and not the other way around, of cancer controlling me, and making me feel down, and trying to get me to submit and give it all up. And getting this just from reading a book, and it was a good twenty five years ago as well, not a recent read, and then I remember selling the book at a boot sale, all the time wishing I was keeping it, but happy someone would make good use of it, and also be inspired by it. But at the time, a home clear out and a few extra pounds was more impotant.

A great review of this book.

It just seems weird that those lines in one book, that I happen to be given, had such an effect on me so many years later, but still gave me so much strength , and having no idea I could ever be that strong in the face of something that is supposed to bring so much terror and fear to so many, and here I am, “Yeah whatever cancer, bring it on!” A slight tweak of the grey cells and power that then comes out is unbelievable, and strength, with plenty of belief behind it as well, it is truly astounding. I have to thank my friend Martin who I worked with all those years ago for giving or selling me that book, and plenty of other books he kept plying me with, on martial arts and history, I’ve loved both subjects for years now. So you’ll never know how much you have in side you until you really need it, but trust me when I say it is inside you to be so much more than what you think you actually are, it’s already in there just waiting to come out, sitting quietly, ready for the right time to just let you know, it has your back if you ever need it, and it is a huge comfort to know it’s there, even if you have no idea of it yet, it is there looking out for you. The power of the mind is amazing, when it’s on your side and you face something like cancer, it really does give you the strength of ten people, instantly.

I wanted to share this as it really has helped with this fight with cancer and I’m going all the way with this, none of your ten rounds and then a split decision, this is all the way to the bitter end, one of us ain’t coming out of this alive, and it isn’t going to me snuffing it, just a matter of time cancer and your gone!

Thank you for taking the time to read another of my blogs, it is appreciated, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, always 100% positive, take care and see you again here soon, and once more:-

“In a life and death situation, choose death instantly, and you will have the strength of ten people.”

Some things can’t be repeated enough, and I hope I can inspire someone to take up the fight against this dirty little sly coward of a disease, and kick the hell out it so it doesn’t come back any more, good luck in all your battles and journeys.

All Ways Look On The Bright Side Of Life!

If you don’t know this song then immediately go and watch ‘The Life Of Brian!’ You’ll love it, and just what the doctor ordered. I love to watch a film and laugh along to it, action films can be entertaining and I use to love the cowboy films, but give me a comedy any day, and I’m happy, it doesn’t even have to be side splitting, just seeing someone trying to make an effort to make someone laugh is enough for me, I think it’s a great gift to have, not just the ability to get someone in stitches laughing their head off, but just trying to get someone to have a laugh, even if it doesn’t work, the fact that they’re trying is a great gift too. My kids will bore you to death telling you how funny I am, or maybe they won’t, but I try to dish out my best dad jokes, ‘oh god dads off again!’ A new years eve special, “See you next year” never fails, but there’s always a smile, even if it is a slightly embarressed smile sometimes. But it’s just the wanting to spread a little joy and laughter about the place, the world needs more fun, it was never meant to be serious.

I had a few days at Mums last week, letting mum be a mum again for a few days, a very nice relaxing couple of days, and my sister Nesta popped over from her job in France, and seeing another brother Gwyn, so was a really nice time. We had a breakfast at Felixstowe then a walk along the beach with a little paddle too, very nice, some, most would say cold, I like to call it refreshing, luckily there is a sandy part to the beach, but the few stones that were there were uncomfortable on the cold feet. I feel I could of got in and had a swim but not having a towel, and the wind I gave up on that. But I would like to get a swim in soon, hopefully this week, as I’m having radiotherapy this week in Southend, hopefully I’ll get a short dip in soon. Now that will be refreshing. Looking forward to report on that one very soon.

Friday I had my first appointment for my radiotherapy on my brain, so this was a fitting for my mask, which is used to keep your head still while they zap away, keeping your head perfectly still. It took 12 minutes to have this hot plastic on your face, then moulded to your contours, then ice packs, to keep it in place, and if I was a green alien, this could be me as one, well I do have to say I’m not bad looking as a little green alien,

I start my radiotherapy on Monday afternoon, and have five sessions, so I come in each day Mon to Fri, then I’m allowed to bring my mask home, could be fun in the passenger seat holding this up to other motorists or passengers, turning to see a green head looking at them, I’ll try it for fun but not to scare the life out of someone, so I won’t be doing it to any drivers, I swear, but the bus passengers better look out. As I have said and is on my blog site, our daughter and son in law, Lib and Chris, have their buisness, ‘South East Hot Tubs,’ and have their own hot tub in their garden now, it would of been rude not to try it out, and OMG it is so nice, you could sleep in it all night long, it’s so relaxing, and not even the pouring rain could spoil it, intermitant rain rather than one long downpour. We were in there for about 2 hours, and the grandchildren love it too, so no telly, no phones or computers, a great place to relax and chill out away from modern technology for a while and everyone loved it.

Life is going great at the moment, I’ve got more visits from family, even a flying visit from Japan coming up, another brother, Morien, just popping over as you do from such a distant land, but the effort being made for you, and knowing it’ll be so nice to see these people and spend a few days together is so heart warming. And more locally there will be visits from Manchester, Ceri, Cheshire Dad and Lorna, with the dogs Madge and Leo, Leo’s a cancer survivoring Labrador, and Wales, Gareth, again more great family to see. To know that I still have all my brothers and sisters, and Mum and Dad, I know I’m very privileged to have them, and for them all to still want to see me and spend some quality time is very humbling, and fills you with so much joy that we’ll be meeting up in the next month or so with my whole family, and looking forward to seeing each one of them, despite being spread out around the country and the world, we’re still a very close family even though we can go years sometimes without seeing each other, but there’s plenty of other ways we know we’re not far away from each other if we ever need anything. Just before getting my original diagnosis, my brother messaged and said, “I’ll be in the next room when your in with the doctor,” We had our bedrooms next door to each other when we were growing up, well that got me going I can tell you, my tears didn’t last long, as they never have all through this, but Gareth is responsible for some of my first tears with all this cancer crap, I’m saving the great big out pouring of tears for the day I beat all these terminal diagnosis’s, and finally get the all clear and told, “That’s it Mr James, I’m not exactly sure how you did it, but you beat it, now get out of here!” This day will come, eventually!

I love this quote from Bruce Lee, and is at the beginning and end of my book, a great reminder of a great attitude to anything, especially cancer.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, hopefully helping to spread a little joy and laughter, I love to see someone with a smile, and the satisfaction of knowing you put it there is amazing. Take care and see you soon, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, always 100% positive, and watch out for a green alien going home on Friday from Southend to Basildon, you have been warned. And spread a little happiness as you go by!

Some Of Us Sceam, Some Of Us Shout! And Some Just Give A Rye Smile And Carry On Regardless!

You can be told so many different things and take them in so many different ways, the tone of what is said, the manner in which it is spoken to you, on text, was it capitals, was the right emoji with it, but the words can still be the same, it’s the way the meaning is interpreted by you, and then the way you process that in your mind to fit in with you, and your current situation. Bad news, is it really bad news or just what we don’t want to hear, big difference there. Reality is a big kick up the arse for some, “sorry your not good enough to carry on on this course, sorry,” and how many have gone on to prosper at something else because of that and had a great life. Life is a journey and we don’t know where it will take us and where it will end, but the journey’s can be incredible. We choose one path and put everything into going that way, but a slight detour can be a hugely different even better journey than you ever could of imagined. ‘Turn a different corner and we never would have met,’ A famous line from a song by George Micheal, but so true. How many people have you met by chance, and had a great time knowing them, or spent years searching for a view of a mountain, and then seeing it after 50 years hoping for that clear day, and finally getting it. Great times in a great life.

You think I’ve got how long left? “Yeah Whatever Doc!”

After seeing my Oncologist on Thursday, the news we had wasn’t what we were hoping for or expecting, but it’s just that, news, maybe not the news we wanted, but it was about where we are in my journey with this cancer, and this is where we actually right now. So I heard everything he said, took it on board and then carry on as normal, I know I’m not normal. Once things are processed in my mind, I can deal with them, with a different outlook to most, life is a cycle, and it’s gone around and around for millions of years, and won’t stop because I don’t want to get off here yet. Getting told you have a life limiting cancer, it heightens your awareness of the people around the world who die each day, and have no idea their life will end that day, there was an earthquake yesterday in Eastern Turkey, I love Turkey and feel for the loss of life there, the generosity and kindness of the people stays with you, and it’s such a beautiful friendly place, I can’t wait to get back there, and am sending love to those affected by this. There are tragedies closer to home, two fires have claimed the lives of children, I can’t imagine what their families are going through with such a loss, again my heart goes out to these families and communities affected by such a devastating tragedy.

A lovely family photo from a great night out in Nov 2018, with the lads from work, so many people coming to show their support for me, very moving knowing so many big tough lorry drivers have huge hearts of gold.

My point is, it puts what an oncologist says to me in perspective, and that I may now be on the home straight, but look what I have and where I’ve been, it’s our 32nd anniverary this year, we have four kids, 6th granchild arriving in March, it seems so greedy to expect any more, when I have and have had so much in my 54 years. I’m certainly not giving in or up on this battle with cancer, I’m actually buzzing and ready for a long term fight with this and realishing it, bring it on. I feel so much inside me all battling against this cancer as one, which is now in the lining of my brain, and is such a hard place to get to, they can’t do anything for it now, I’ll be having some radiotherapy, but this may help some of the numbness going down my left side I’ve been having, only mild episodes, but it may not, it won’t cure anything or extend life, I have thoses bits covered by my attitude. My Oncologist said his prediction is based on the patients fitness, he’s reading a script, and I’m not on it, he was just reading it off to me, well that’s me off there then, I’m fairly fit considering everything, I can walk up six flights of stairs quite easily, how many can do that. The moans and groans when people realise the lift isn’t working, and they only live a few floors up, any excercise is good for you. Few years ago the lift went out for three weeks over christmas, and you started to get to know a few people from meeting them on the stairs some days, which was nice, a little interaction is good for the soul.

I love Bruce Lee and his philosophy, and I have this quote in my book I’m writing, at the beginning and at the end, as a reminder of the power of the mind, use your mind to your advantage.

I think my attitude towards my cancer is starting to rub off on my wife and kids, they’re starting to be more accepting of it now, even though it has been going on for sixteen months now, but I had Sonia my wife, and Lib and Chris, our daughter and son in law, in with the doctor on Thursday, and after he was pushing me to ask the ultimate question, “Is there anything you would like to ask me?” Knowing it was the big one, after bowing my head, take a deep breath and here we go then “Where do you think we in this then now?” and he tells me “6-12 weeks from the end,” “As close as that,” “Yes I’m sorry.” This is where you expect the buckets of tears to come pouring out, but they don’t, they look to me and see I’m holding out fine, and then the doctor says “this is based on the patients fitness,” as I said that’s me off this straight away, always 100% positive, take everything head-on, process it, accept it, “Yeah Whatever Doc!” And just carry on regardless, the end will be here when it’s here, and when I come face to face with death, he’s gonna get as bigger a shock as I am seeing me standing there as I will when I see him standing in front of me, and that’s when I’ll deal with that. You can only deal with what’s in front of you, and if you don’t feel your about drop off this mortal coil, then we don’t even contemplate it yet, there’s a lot to do this year, it’s only January, 11 more months to plan and look forward to yet. It’s a bit of a ramble this blog, but the news you get, the steroids and epilepsy tablets I’m now on, and always the reality that I know something isn’t right in my head at the moment, all makes for a different take on life at the moment, coming out as a ramble to the normal blog, but I’m happy and feel in a very happy place right now, with the courage to take this on as far as it wants to go, I can feel the adrenaline in my veins flowing to fight this all the way. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and to stick with it, it is appreciated, take care and see you soon and I wish you all the best with your journeys, never forget to stop and take some time out to see where you are and take a look at the view, and allow yourself to be happy, this is a happy post hoping to spread some love and happiness to you all, and for you to actually appreciate that you are you, and your so lucky, cos I think your great. Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, or where ever it ends up inside you, mind over matter! As the great man himself said, Bruce Lee “If it kills you, it kills you!”

The opening lines of this blog where “Some of us scream, some of us shout” a song from the early eighties album “Strive to Survive Causing The Least Suffering Possible” by “Flux of Pink Indians’ No wonder I’m the mild mannered polite person I am today after listening to bands like that, great times.

Eat, Sleep, Stroke, repeat!

After my stay in hospital from Thursday morning, after attending the TIA clinic, I was invited to go home on the Sunday, as there wasn’t much they could do and had me on tablets to control, or dissolve the problem blood clots. I very willingly went home and slept so well that night, three nights of disturbed sleep, twice being moved at half two in the morning, I can’t complain though as when I worked at Basildon Hospital as a porter from 1991-2004, we would often move patients, very unhappily at this time, I did hear it was because the gods of the hospital, the consultants, wanted all their patients on the same ward, can’t blame them if they’re that high up, I suppose, but this rumour was never confirmed, officially.

After getting home and up the next day, ready to start the next chapter of my life, we had a nice relaxing day, and picked up our granddaughter Jess from her after school club, saving her mum, Lib, and brother, Reg, walking round to the school again to pick her up. We had a nice steady walk, no rushing, as driving is out, as I’m having these mini-stroke like episodes. We have a nice hour or so at Libs house seeing everyone, and then a steady walk home, which we’re good at after last year, as between chemo, we’d walk 9 miles, quite happily and very slowly. We pop into Tesco for a few bits, I get a trolley, and off we go, after five minutes or so I go to move my hand and realise it’s numb, no tingling this time, just the hand unable to straighten my fingers, I let Sonia know, and it’s “Oh no not again!” “Are you ok to go home and I’ll finish in here?” “Yeah I’ll be ok, take care and see you soon,” It’s starting to tingly again, on my face and hand, and slowly creep up my arm, it’s weird as it goes across your face, just the left side of my body, as it goes past your throat you can feel half your throat can swallow but the other half can’t, just hope I don’t get into a coughing fit. I get home and text Sonia I’m ok, and Lib, then phone 111, my mouth is only half working but I get across to them so they can understand me, eventually, “Yes we will send an ambulance for you but sorry there is a delay.” “No worries.” Sonia gets back and is worried, Lib, Chris and Davey are on their way around, and I’m starting to get back to normal, I feel like a nuisance sometimes, all this stress and worry and within twenty minutes, I’m going fully back to normal. We get a call from the ambulance service and they apologise for the delay, and that it could be another 15-20 minutes. eventually the paramedic gets here and checks me over, I’m ok but I do win a trip to the hospital, just to be sure. I get a lift in his car, the rest follow along behind, but he can’t have the blue lights on though. We get taken in the tradesman entrance at the A/E, and get processed a little quicker, then shown to the relaxing area in A/E? Oh yeah the waiting room.

It’s Sonia and Lib with me in the hospital again, a bit of deja vous here. But not long and Paul comes out “David James please,” I knew Paul when he first started working here as a porter 25 years ago, still the same happy chappie, and he’s moved up and takes bloods now, and very well too, I told him “I’ll recommend him on Tripadvisor, 5 stars.” We soon see the stroke nurse we saw last Wednesday, she says “Hello, again, have you had another one?” We go to a cubicle and go through all the stroke tests, but as I’ve had another one, there must be something wrong, not just a mini-stroke, so to get to the right clinic, they’re going to keep me in tonight, as the morning clinic won’t do the MRI scan with contrast, the dye they put in to see you better. I’m taken for a CT scan tonight then the doctors will look at it tomorrow. Around 01.00 I’m taken to Pastuer Ward, and say goodbye to my wife Sonia and daughter Lib, I’ll see them tomorrow early afternoon. As I’m wheeled onto the ward, this is the real stroke ward, with a nurse in every four bed bay, even in the dark you can see this is a serious ward with lots of ill patients, I feel guilty and that I don’t fit in here, what if they need this bed for someone who is iller than me? I’d feel terrible.

I get settled in bed, have my obs done, all seem ok, then it’s good night and the doctor will be round to see you, I didn’t realise she meant only an hour or two later, “Hello David, I am the doctor and your scan looks ok, all clear, I’ll let you get some sleep, thank you.” Try and get some more sleep, but if it’s clear then what’s causing these little mini-strokes, more questions than answers. A disturbed sleep after more obs, but I can sleep during the day so it’s not a problem. “Cup of tea?” Now we’re talking “Oh yes please,” as the ward starts to wake, the lady opposite me seems quite ill, and there’s two other gentleman in here who don’t look too bad, I still don’t fit in here. Last week I was on an assessment ward, then surgical, no thanks, then the lung ward? At least I’m having stroke like symptoms so must be in the right place. Did I say sleep during the day! I don’t think so, I’ve never been so busy, you go on a stroke ward and there’s so many ways a stroke can affect you, in big obvious ways but also the little subtle ways too, can you draw a cube? Can you do this ? Can you recognise that? We go for a walk, upstairs then back down, I pass all my tests, I just don’t feel I’ve got anywhere as my symptoms only lasted twenty minutes, then back to normal. I even have my heart scanned, all reassuring to hear it all looks well, but I’m not the one that needs these tests, the proper stroke patients need this, but as I’m here, it is good to know they are prepared to check me out throughly. As we get to lunch I eat that, and the food is surprisingly good in here, I now need a sleep, Sonia and Lib turn up, but I say if they want to get something to eat then come back later, I’m shattered. I get some sleep, but more disturbances, all medical so I can’t complain, it’s all to help me, and they’re very thorough on here. We get told they’re going to check all the scans and i’ll probably be going home and be on blood thinning jabs for a few months, they’re not sure if it’s the cancer or that I am having mini strokes, ok then, they’ll let me know. I get moved to a side room in the evening after everyone has gone, peace, but god it’s boring, nothing to see or hear, even any sort of banter with anyone is out because there’s no one there, just me, I prefer the main ward, there is always something going on you can watch or listen too.

Me in my side room with the wall for company. I know how Shirley Valentine felt now.

The next morning there’s less to do and all I want is for 14.30 to come, for visiting time, it drags, my oncologist comes in with a lung nurse, he’s a nice bloke so we smile and shake hands, he tells me “The stroke like symptoms are not caused by cancer, which is good, so we’ll see you in clinic, probably in two to three weeks time.” I was hoping to be seen sooner but hey ho, better late than never. Sonia and Lib are hear and see my oncologist come in so wait outside my side room and I tell them what he said. And it looks like I’m gong home today. An hour or so later, another doctor comes in, a trainee doctor, but he looks a little uncomfortable, and asks “Would I prefer to be alone with him or is it ok to talk in front of my wife and daughter,” “That’ll be fine,” He’s struggling, I’m use to bad news, so feel a little sorry for him, this is a hard part of the job to learn, he was here earlier with the consultant he follows around and two or three other trainees, but on his own this time. Here we go, “We think it is cancer in your brain causing these problems, and the nero surgeons have been informed at ‘Queens’, they have asked for more information on your case, and when we hear anything we’ll let you know. You have a new appointment with your oncologist next Thursday, do you have any questions?” I don’t but show him my t-shirt with ‘Nice try cancer, but I’m still here!’ on it, printed by my son and his new t-shirt printing enterprise, ‘Majestic Prints and Designs’. He smiles and says, “Keep fighting” “I will” we shake hands and he leaves. My wife and daughter move in close to me and ask, “Are you worried or concerned now!” “Err I’m just wondering what tattoo I could have for my scar after brain surgery?” “Your still not worried?” The atmoshere is relaxed which is how I want it, for me it’s the best way to deal with this, head on, with a smile and a cheeky grin, and the people you love so much around me.

Queens Hospital at Romford, has been mentioned I could have surgery here, we’ll have to wait and see for that, risky but I’d be in good hands here.

A little while later I have new medication, epilepsy tablets, as these episodes I’m having are now being caused by the cancer causing seizure like symptoms, but that look like a stroke, it’s getting complicated I know. But now i’m more than relieved and happy to be going home, new medication, more questions, and not enough answers yet. Hopefully Thursday can bring some of what we want when we meet with my Oncologist. Until then thank you for taking the time to read my blog, Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, even if it does get in your brain, always 100% positive. Take care and see you soon. Oh and any suggestions for a tattoo for my scar if it does come to having Neuro surgery, funnier the better.

Going A Bit Numb!

Hi everyone hope your all well, I was taking my grandaughter down to her dad last Wednesday about 7ish, as she went I had a little run next to the car waving at each other smiling. I thought I’ll just pop to Tesco, only 2 minutes walk from us, as I started to walk I got a tingle in my thumb and forefinger and at the same time on my nose and lip, a bit weird and no idea what it was I just carried on to Tesco, as I got to the entrance my left hand was going numb. Sometimes if you lean on a chair or even in bed your arm goes numb, I just thought I’d done something like that. I carried on to the far end of the store and by now the numbness is creeping up my arm and across my face making my mouth feel I was at the dentist just after an injection to numb the mouth to let them carry out their butchery, I was now a little worried and thinking about asking for someone to help, to call an ambulance, I had no idea what it was but knew something was wrong. I had come out without my phone and hadn’t told Sonia my wife, I was popping over here, it could be a few hours before she found out where I was or what was happening, I didn’t want to put her through that, so I grabbed a bottle of wine I’d come in for and made my way to the checkouts half praying I wouldn’t collapse, I managed to pay, smile and say thanks without being suspected as being ill. Now the home run, only 2 minutes till home, got to the entrance of our flats ok but quite numb now, most of my face, my arm and I could feel the numbness go down my back, very weird sensation. Got up in the lift ok, in the flat and shoes off, Sonia saw me and afterwards said she’d thought I’d had a row with someone by the look on my face, but as I confessed to my wife “I’m going numb!” Sonia filled with panic “come and sit down, I’m gonna phone Lib!” She sat me down and I tried to say 999 but only coming from one side of your mouth it’s not very clear, I was now numb all down my left side, what the hell is next with this bloody cancer?

As Sonia phoned our daughter my hand was getting a bit of movement back. As our daughter and her husband, Lib and Chris got round, all panicky, I waved and said fooled you, trying to lighten the mood, they all seemed stressed and worried. The ambulance phoned back and wouldn’t be here yet, but asked how I was now, and most of the feeling had come back but I felt a bit weird. It was suggested that if I could get down stairs we could make our own way to hospital, I didn’t fancy that so we waited for the ambulance. Another half an hour and we decided to give it a go going ourselves. We saw an ambulance going the other way with blue lights on, our son had to explain that we’d made our own way to hospital.

me in hospital the next day, I’ll blog more in a day or two.

As we got there we saw the triage nurse, booked in, and sat in the waiting area, quite full considering it was Wednesday evening at 20.30. We saw a stroke nurse fairly quickly but was soon waiting again, then we saw the assessment nurse, “Have you got your piece of paper from triage?” “No the nurse has it” “What’s your name, do we have the right patient? Where’s your paper?” “I’ve seen the stroke nurse, she has it!” Now that’s sorted we move on to bloods being taken and soon waiting again.

The amount of people here is unbelievable, people moan about the NHS, but it’s this packed and still running, it may be slow but behind the scenes their saving lives, and quite possibly mine later, so I will not complain or moan about this, it’s a miracle it keeps going, where would we be without it?

We see a doctor and go through the stroke tests but all seems well, then we’re invited to go back to where we were relaxing, ere that was at home quite a few hours ago, but I don’t think he was sending us home, so back to the waiting area. Once more we’re called by the stroke nurse again and she books me in to a clinic at the hospital in the morning, at 07.30, its 01.00 now, not much sleep tonight then! We get home and tired but it feels good, but gotta be up in 4 hours, oh well.

This is being written in hospital so none of the usual photos, thank you for taking the time to read my blog, there will be more to this story tomorrow or Thursday, I prefer working on the computer than my mobile, but wanted to let you know how I’m getting on. Don’t be afraid of lung cancer or mini strokes and always 100% positive, take care and see you soon. 😊👍❤ End of part one, parts 2,3 and 4 to follow.

New Year Resolutions

I’ve never been one for making New Year resolutions, as I always knew I wouldn’t stick to them so I never made any, but having lung cancer and making it to another new year, why not, maybe I should make some and try to make some positive changes to my life, as according to my doctor, I shouldn’t really be here now, not that I ever believed the doctor, I always thought you had to be ill and feel ill to be dying of something, and I most certainly wasn’t ill enough to be dying of anything. So what can my resolutions be, thats if there’s more than one of them.

Firstly I’m a Wim Hoffer, doing breathing excercises with yoga and various excercises your suppose to do between each step of the course. I have hardly done any of this since July, since my rib has been hurting, which started after doing four rounds of deep breathing. It doesn’t hurt as much now and I’ve had five lots of radiotherapy on it, so hopefully that will start to ease soon. So the plan is to get back on track with the Wim Hof Fundementals course, and start to practice it everyday, if not daily then at least weekly. That includes the yoga before the breathing, and the homework between each step of the course, and of course the cold showers. You can find out more about Wim Hof and his breathing method here.

Second, writing this blog has been a lot of fun, so I want to do more writing, more blogs and even writing articles for magazines or the local paper. I’m writing a book and having radiotherapy has put the finish date of it back by a few months, so part of this resolution is to finish my book and get it published, either as an e-book or paperback or both, I don’t think it’ll make the New York bestseller list, so I don’t think getting the best deal would be too important, just getting it out there is the important thing, and getting it published.

Third, I can be a bit arty at times, and I enjoy creating stuff, it doesn’t have to be much, even just playing about with scissors and coloured card, cutting out the names of my grandchildren, they liked it, and I always enjoyed drawing and painting at school, so doing a picture or making something each month is something I want to do.

Fourth, has to be more swimming, if my cancer allows, and more running, getting fit again, starting gently and building up to getting below an hour for the London 10k in July and getting in around 45 mins for the mile swim in Swim Serpentine in Sept, and swimming it front crawl, the last two times have been breast stroke, and getting some chill swims in as well, I do enjoy a cold dip, which is part of the Wim Hof course that I enjoy, the cold showers, you always feel so refreshed when you come out of the cold shower.

So I think thats it :- sticking to the Wim Hof course more, more writing, being creative each month, and more swimming and running, that’s not bad for someone that doesn’t make any new year resolutions. This new year marks the end of my first full year of being affected by cancer, last new year, I had been ill since September, and no idea what the new year would bring, I wasn’t even sure I’d make it this far. But I have and I would say I’m thriving, I feel good and positive, and looking forward to a bright and long future, so I might as well make some plans and give myself something to do with all this time I’m going to have on my hands.

I’ll be seeing my oncologist in January, so we’ll take it from there after getting the results of my CT scan, and proceed into the future of this bright and prosporus new year. So thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and listen to my new year resolutions, and I’ll let you know how I get on with sticking to them, and I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all an amazing New Year and good luck to you all and that you have a healthy and happy 2020, be strong, think strong and do all you dare to dream, and find the strength and courage that’s already inside you to follow your dreams, whatever they are! Thats your new year resolution, I’ve just made it for you. Don’t be afraid of lung cancer and always 100% positive throughout 2020 and beyond.

Wishing You All A Very Happy Christmas And A Wonderful New Year!

It’s here again, I thought it was suppose to take a year to get here, I’m sure we must of missed out a few months somewhere, surely that’s not another year gone. I remember as a child it took so long to get to christmas and now they fly by, one after the other. Ok I know I’m getting old. When I was young (along time ago), about 8-9 years old, I remember the excitment of christmas day, getting up at 2.00 then told to go back to bed, then up at 4.00 then being told to go back to bed again, by a very frustrated mum, then up at 6.00 or 7.00 and open your stocking, a bit of breakfast then excitedly wait till dinner was ready, wolf that down and have to wait until alllllll the washing up was done by the older ones and mum and dad, the excitment almost killing us, that’s how it felt at the time, then the big moment arrived, but who was going to go first, your sitting on your hands trying not to grab anyone elses present, then you get your first present, rip the wrapping off, “Who was that from?” “Oh ere mum and dad, thank you mum and dad.” I was reminded of this excitment when I got a text from my Mum saying thank you for her presents, err excuse me! Isn’t it Christmas Day tomorrow, all that waiting we had to do as a child, at the hands of our parents, and now they open presents whenever they want. But I think I can let my Mum off the hook, the amount of happy memories it brings is worth it, hopefully we can give our grandchildren happy memories to remember for when they’re older. They are great memories to have, and I know I’m lucky to have them, thanks Mum and Dad.

I know I still act like a child alot of the time, and mucking about with your grandchildren is great fun, so while I can still play about with them I will, heres some pictures from a few years ago of me getting excited about christmas. I hope I never grow up and become serious, that would be terrible. I would like to wish you all a very happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year, and it brings everything you hope for, especially for health and happiness for you, your family and friends. Take care and thank you for reading my blog, maybe get one more blog in before the new year, best wishes and Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, always 100% positive.

We Went To A Ball!

We’ve never been to a ball before, getting all dressed up and looking like a penguin, never appealed to me, and my wife Sonia wearing a dress that she sweeps the floor with as she goes about the evening, no thanks, you can keep all that posh malarkey. Track suit bottoms and slouching on the sofa, now that’s more like it. But this was different, this was the ‘Clowns in the Sky’ Winter Ball. Clowns in the Sky is a charity I have been fund raising for them for a few years now. I worked with the owner of the charity, Richard, and was heart broken to hear of the death of his daughter, but Richard and his wife, Lyn, set up this charity in her memory, and it’s gone from strength to strength, and now supports children in hospitals having treatment for brain tumours across the country. They make a donation to Brain Tumour Research, in the hope of finding a cure or better treatments, there’s so many things they do to help children get through their treatment, have a look here to find out more.

Each year they organise a Winter Ball, a lovely evening of a meal, magicians coming to your table, a singer, an auction, raffle, and finishing with few hours of dancing, and as much donating as you can. I was aware of this Ball a couple of years ago but didn’t take a lot of notice of it, then last year I saw it on Facebook, but left it too late and it was sold out, so this year I made a definite effort to get some tickets for me and my family, it was just a question of who was going to dress up and come with us now. There’s eight adults and six children in our family, so baby sitters would be required, as it’s not really a place for kids. So I messaged Donna and asked for at least four tickets and possibly eight. The tickets become available around September October time, but do sell out by November, so I’d got in this year, but just had to confirm the numbers. We ordered four tickets, but soon ordered four more, as we knew we had several people who would like to go if family members couldn’t. Now it was time to order the food, it was only a choice of meat or vegetarian, so we chose half and half, covering all bases, anyone last minute would be able to have what they wanted as some of us were quite flexible. Tickets booked, food ordered, now it was who was going to go. One couldn’t get a babysitter, another recently split with his partner and was a maybe, so it was Sonia and me, our favourite daughter Lib and her husband Chris, possibly our son Davey, now for three more. My Mum has always liked the dressing up and going out, so we invited her and got a very swift reply of “Yes please,” now for the last two, and the Ball is getting quite close now, just a few weeks away. So I asked my brother and his wife Jan, and they were up for it, so it was the eight of us. Now for the penguin outfits and sweep as you go dresses.

Feeling very smart and with a self tied bow tie.

Eventually got all sorted out and it ended up with seven of us meeting up at the Ball, and even if I do say so myself, I think we looked very smart. My suit cost ten pounds, from a charity shop, got it dry cleaned for twelve pounds and got a shirt and bow tie for fifty pounds. I felt very pleased with myself getting a suit so cheap, and it was a nice one. But as time got on we had to just go and get a decent shirt from a proper shop. It all started very economically, but that soon went out of the window. As we settled at are table, we had one at the back, but were quite close to Tony Cottee and Tony Gale. Who are they? I hear you ask, they’re only part of the West Ham team that finished 3rd in the league, in the 85-86 season, the year I started supporting West Ham, they’ve never been the same since, sorry. We all had a great time, the food was lovely, we had a magician at our table astounding us with his tricks, no idea how he did them. There was an auction and my brother Gwyn got a drawing of four past England cricket captains, signed, and he won a game of golf with Tony Cottee and Tony Gale, I will be his caddie that day, I’ve no idea what I’m suppose to do but really looking forward to it. There was a raffle, a singer and then at the end of the night, dancing. All in all it was a great night and very pleased to say Clowns in the Sky raised roughly five and a half thousand pounds, that’s brilliant for just a small charity, they can now do so much with that and help children with brain tumours, brilliant.

As I said in an earlier post, we’re looking after our three year old grand son, having had four children we thought it would be easy, as we know what we’re doing, but boy is he tiring, we put him down for bed and if we don’t fall asleep on the sofa, we’re not far off going to bed ourselves. But it is nice having him here, he was at nursery five days a week for six hours but now hes off for over two weeks, if we survive, we’ll see you in the new year. Hopefully I’ll get some posts done, if he falls asleep for a few hours in the afternoon. We did have some good news this week, my wife Sonia had been for a ultra sound scan and they found a mass on her liver, but after a CT scan this week, we got the news that it was benign so nothing to worry about, and we have an appointment with a liver specialist at the next available time, May next year, good job it’s not urgent. Take care, have a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year, I’ll repeat that if I get to blog again this year, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Don’t be afraid of lung cancer, and always 100% positive.

The End of Lung cancer awareness Month

As we come into December which brings to a close Lung cancer Awareness Month here in the UK, I was very proud to of been a part of the Roy Castle Lung cancer Foundation campaign #Follow My Lead, going up to Liverpool in August and meeting some lovely people, and telling my story of having lung cancer, I hope some people have come to realise it’s not the end of the world just because your diagnosed with lung cancer, it doesn’t mean it will be easy, or that your going to live forever, but it shows you can have a life even though you have lung cancer. No one knows how long they have, and having a terminal diagnosis heightens your awareness of the people you hear about in the news every day, that go out and never come home, dying in an accident on the roads, or being attacked, like those poor people who died or got injured near London Bridge on Friday, or the earthquake in Albania, our nephew Timmy is in Albania, but thankfully he is ok and safe, my heart goes out to all those who lost their lives in these incidents or any others you hear about. You never know what will happen tomorrow, so don’t let the thought that you might die one day from cancer, stop you enjoying today.

It’s been a bit quiet on the blogging front for me lately, I was hoping to start getting more blogs done each week, but it’s amazing how a quite well behaved three year old grandson can stop you doing so many things and make you so tired, I don’t remember it being like this when our four children were that age, but we were a lot younger too. My sons lovely partner made her family homeless, so he split up with her and took their eldest with him and we’re helping out with their youngest, until he can get a place of his own, so it could be for a few months we’re helping out, just hope our energy doesn’t give up before then. It’s a pleasure having him here, and we run the two of them to school each day, so we’re very busy and it is nice getting involved with our grandchildren, and it takes your mind off the normal day to day boring things, you don’t have a lot of time to think about anything. I’d say it makes you feel young again having a toddler about almost every day, but it doesn’t, I think it makes you realise how old you actually are, but as I said it’s a lot of pleasure too, I’ll let you know how we get on with him and the housing situation.

This is the link to my story if you haven’t seen it already:- https://www.roycastle.org/david-james/, and if you go on the Roy Castle website:- www.roycastle.org you can see all the other stories of people with lung cancer and how they have coped and lived with it, all of them are worth watching or reading, very inspiring. There’s also the comedian John Ryan who wrote a poem and made a video for the campaign, also he went on Sky News and was interviewed and put one of the presenters in her place as she ignorantly said you catch lung cancer from smoking, that’s worth watching too, heres the link for that:- https://www.roycastle.org/i-need-to-correct-you-there/.

Well I’ll keep it short and sweet today, and hopefully I’ll have time to blog again soon, anytime I sit at the table to use the computer, I get a smiley face next to me pulling the chair out, wanting to play too. I open a page for him and he taps away, and he gets the computer to do things I never knew it could, I try to watch what he pressed but he’s too quick, one thing was the curser stayed on the right of the page and as he typed the letters came out on the right and moved left as he typed more, search boxes came up, all these things I’d never seen before, and as much as I try I can’t get them to come up again. I have my unfinished book on here, I just hope he doesn’t reboot the computer to restore factory settings, and all is lost. I’ve emailed my book to myself, just in case. Take care and thank you for taking the time to read my blog and see you again soon, I hope, if our grandson allows, as soon as he’s in bed, we’re not far behind. Don’t be afraid of lung cancer and 100% positive always.

Believe 100% you will beat it. Go Vegan. Take CBD oil. Have chemo.

beccabynature

Lifestyle, Recipes, Beauty & more

Passport Overused

Showing the beauty of this world through the people, places and culture

The Hungry Chef

on a journey...

john pavlovitz

Stuff That Needs To Be Said

Book Coffee Happy

Let's discuss books!

Murph n' Jac's Cracking Arctic to Med Bicycle Tour 2019

Life is short - take your dog on a road trip!

A Brit in Helsinki

A vegan food blog by a Brit living in Helsinki, Finland. Sharing recipes, pictures and tips! Vegaani ruokablogi!

Cooking with Kathy Man

Celebrating delicious and healthy food

Sugar and Booze free year

Fundraising in aid of research into PTEN disorders

Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Healthy Living Sage

Because what U Eat does Matter!

Success Follows Me ( & You)!

Cancer Is NOT A Death Sentence

Level Up Stud

Physique, Mindset, Money & More

FHDM PRIVATE PSYCHOTHERAPY CLINIC -SENIOR ACCREDITED PSYCHOTHERAPIST-Dr.Fawzy Masaoud-LONDON, ENGLAND

NO DESPAIR WITH LIFE AND NO LIFE WITH DESPAIR . Email: dr.fawzyclinic2019@yahoo.com

The Art of Blogging

For bloggers who aspire to inspire

Click Solutions Membership Site

Digital Products That Work

Trilife.blog

A long-distance triathlon is more than a race, it's a lifestyle. I am a back-of-the-pack Ironman triathlete and lover of the Trilife who hopes to inspire others by sharing my journey.

Yoga Lifestyle with Cristina

Experience,Travel, Stay Healthy, Practice Yoga, Live...

Mrs. Twinkle

My Wonderful Little World

Vegan Miche

Weight loss advice, health tips and recipes from a vegan PhD

thedihedral.wordpress.com/

Climbing, Outdoors, Life!

Life...Take 2

I hope that someone sees this page and decides not to give up...

Cooking Without Limits

Food Photography & Recipes

lifesfinewhine

Lifestyle Blogger+ Food Blogger+ Travel Blogger+ Beauty Blogger

Self Help (Personal Growth) Books

"Together, one mind, one life at a time, let's see how many people we can impact, encourage, empower, uplift and perhaps even inspire to reach their fullest potentials."

Auggie's Health and Fitness Blog

Reach your Full Health Potential. Tremendously upgrade your Health vocabulary and use these knowledge to overcome every possible physical struggles that may come your way.

Beetitudes

Health & healing with the power of a plant-based diet

Little Did She Know

Stories and reflections on faith and following God when anxieties and doubts try to get in the way

Boo Diagnosis, Great Life

NSCLC Stage IV Squamous Journey (Lung Cancer)

M/VGratitude

Cruising with the Thyrre Family

Maev Kerri

Swimmer + Surfer

Lauren Baillie

Exploring by getting lost since 2013

Don't be afraid of lung cancer

Believe 100% you will beat it. Go Vegan. Take CBD oil. Have chemo.

Discover

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.